Thursday 27 February 2014

Once upon a car

Right. So there was this radio silence due to a slight gnomish meltdown. Every year when my car has to have its annual checkup, I get absolutely insufferable. Even though my car functions just fine, I get these premonitions about something being seriously wrong with it: last year they mentioned the clutch was getting worse, there's something in the steering that doesn't feel right, was that sound there before, where did that spring come from? All of that is fixable, but needless to say, it involves money. Usually quite a bit. And I got severely traumatised on that specific topic the day I took my beloved car SopHie to the garage only to find out she needed repairs worth 5 times more than the actual residual value of the car. So that was 'bye bye SopHie' and 'hello tremendous annual checkup anxiety'.

To put an end to that, I had the ludicrous idea of treating myself to a brand new car. It's stupid, right? I mean, paying full price for a car when there's plenty of suckers that do that and when they buy their next car, they allow you to drive in a nearly new car at a much lower price. But the thought kept gnawing at me. For once in my life I wanted a car that I actually picked myself, rather than make do with someone else's hand-me-down. And my (12th) 29th birthday seemed like the perfect excuse. So a new car it had to be. But which one?


That easy, huh? Yeah, right, if only! If you thought picking a phone was *drama* for a gnome, that was NOTHING compared to picking a car.
Seriously, we're worse than the dramatic chipmunk. We don't even need a drama button, it's built in!

The phone was relatively easy: I don't care much for phones, they pretty much all do the same thing, and the only criterion I had was 'it has to be shiny'. So that worked out fine.

With cars it's different: I like cars. A lot. And I enjoy driving them too. So for a car I actually have standards. Naturally I want it to be shiny, duh. But when it comes to cars, there's a lot more to it.

My favoritest car in the world is still the McLaren F1, partly because it was lightyears ahead of any other car ever created (yes, I *am* aware of the fact that 'lightyears' indicates a distance, not a time frame, it just sounds cool and in this context it's correct either way!), partly because of this clip from yonder year, when Tiff Needell was still in Top Gear and Top Gear was still about cars. Ah, those were the days.


One of the lucky owners of this car is Rowan Atkinson, a surprisingly gifted driver, considering his alter ego. Sadly he wrecked it. Twice. He probably had to veer to avoid a Reliant Regal that wanted revenge...


Considering these sell for around 3.5-4 million pounds these days, I'd be better off having my current car fixed. For the next 100 years. So I had to settle for a slightly smaller budget. But even then, the choices and options were overwhelming. I do have a preference for certain makes, so make-wise I managed to limit the choices fairly quickly. After that came the types, the equipment level, the accessories and – not unimportant! – the financial aspects. Words cannot express my gratitude for all the help I got from my better half in helping me pick and calculate everything over and over and over again for every car I felt was a plausible option. Not to mention his patience with my endless indecisiveness and talking about cars, and the various test drives I dragged him into, even though he is a cyclist at heart. I couldn't have done it without him.

So the choice has been made and hopefully my new shiny four-wheeled friend will be here in a month. And in good tradition, it will have a name, like all its predecessors. For now the working title is 'Perry'. Just so I can walk into a parking lot and say: "Hey, where's Perry?"


Either that, or Bubbles. It's not a cat, but it'll do. Then again, a month is a pretty long time. And patience isn't really my strong suit. Remember how long it took for the phone to arrive? Exactly. So chances are the name will change a couple of times before it actually gets here. But once it does...


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